When I first read about this blog contest, I couldn’t help but get lost on the many different changes in my life that I would like to write about. The most that stood out is the turn of events when my father passed away almost 6 years ago.
Before that tragedy happened, I was already working at my first job and earning my own money. Since I have my dad and my mom providing for our family, I was just ecstatic to be handling my own money. Weekly shopping for clothes, shoes or accessories that caught my eye; hanging out in bars with friends; collecting fashion magazines that I sometimes don’t read are just some of the things I took pleasure in. That is what I call ‘handling’ my own money. Not quite. I was focused on me, myself and I. Just like when I was a kid, I was used to getting what I wanted when I wanted it. My dad used to call me his princess. And just like real princesses or the ones you read on story books, I was pampered, deeply loved and cared for.
No wonder why I was happy-go-lucky, carefree as I can be. That was all before an accident took my dad away from us one Thursday morning.
I was at work and got a call from my mom, crying. I’ve got the most tingling sensations down my spine hearing her tell me that my dad is in the emergency room of a hospital. Even though I don’t really know exactly what happened, I know something was wrong with my dad. He’s the healthiest and strongest man I know – he doesn’t have any vices. And he was never admitted in any hospital for any sickness, never. So I had a big question in my head – what happened to my dad? I got goose bumps and can’t stop crying from office going to the hospital. But I even bought him a hamburger thinking that he might be in the emergency room way too long and he might be starved. That was the last thing I could have done for him. I was late. My dad’s gone.
Lots of thoughts of regrets flashed in my head. I could have given up a night out with friends to hang out with my family to watch TV. I could have done the household chores when my dad asked me to help out. I could have shared that spaghetti with him while we bonded sharing stories the night after my birthday (four days before he was gone), but I didn’t. I felt pain and guilt for probably not showing enough care or making him feel how much I love him.
I just took comfort knowing that during his last birthday (he was 49 years old) I gave him a classic Goldilocks chocolate cake and celebrated with our family and friends. With that simple yet sweet gesture, I know I made him happy.
My life changed overnight. I know how strong my mom used to be and I saw how crushed she was losing her loving life partner. I had to be strong for her and my younger brother. I don’t know how and where to start. All I know was I had to do it for them.
That accident forced me to act as the eldest that I really am – took on responsibilities and obligations that were just too much for me to handle. Life handed it to me in a snap of a finger.
Looking back, I would say I’ve changed and is now becoming a mature and responsible person that I am, a more loving daughter to my mom, and big sister to my brother that he can lean on. Since then, I learned that love needs to be expressed.
“Don’t forget to tell the people you love that you love them. Tomorrow isn’t promised.”
– Angela Simmons
I make sure to show my loved ones how important they are to me and how much I love them. I surprise my mom with her favorite Goldilocks Eggpie and Goldilocks Classic and Cashew Polvoron for my brother every now and then. It’s just one way to make my family feel my love in a little way.
With how I have become and how our family stayed strong and intact, I know how proud my dad is.
Change is constant. Change is inevitable. Life is always at some turning point and the best way to deal with it is acceptance and to carry on.
*This is my official entry to Nuffnang and Goldilock’s contest, “Pagbabago”.